Please don't take any of my photos and upload it elsewhere.
Man oh man. It’s been two months now since my last update and I’m sorry to everyone who so enjoyed watching me before, that I have become so absent. I do have my reasons for it, so for those wondering.. here’s my update. (Since I did get the occasional worried message.)
I left my previous journal telling you about how I was cleaning up around the house and had lost my motivation for all that’s about BJD. Well; I will tell you about what my current thoughts on the BJD thing are, after I tell you all about what has happened in the meantime.
First of, my mother has gone to the hospital Feb 19th. She had quite the infection, causing for her to have to stay for some time. (Ended up being about a week and a few days.) But with my dad not doing jack at home, or not being home because of work, all of it came down to me. Not having a drivers license, I had to do many things by bike and foot, eating away time and energy. So, that pretty much caused me to stress lots and exhaust myself. Only for about a week now do I feel more at ease, partially because mum’s home again and taking over small tasks. (Though she’s still not healed up and getting care. She can’t drive and can’t bend well, but she’s healing up nicely from the wound.)
So that’s that.
But just when you think things are looking up..
Next to my mother, I also had to take care of my grandpa. Twice a week mum visits him for small groceries and to take his laundry because we do that for him. Thankfully, I didn’t have to do many groceries for him and if I was too busy, I could come another day or just once a week. He didn’t mind, understanding the situation. But.. he wasn’t looking too good and a little grey.
Today I learned why. Three years ago, one leg got amputated because it was dying at the toe.. the infection spread etc etc. Now, his leftover foot.. his toes has been amputated as well. He had been carrying this around for weeks already! And that even messed with his sugar levels, causing him to be so very thirsty and what not. Since I was on a meeting today (more of that in a moment), I didn’t learn of this until just a few hours ago as I came home. –sigh-
So basically, my busy days are back. He isn’t in the hospital 5 mins (by foot) from my home… but on the other side of town. And I will have to visit him, I might have to do small groceries for him or other tasks.. and still have to do everything here at home..and god.. my brain feels like it’s imploding on itself. X.x
Anyway – how about a little more positive news?
I’ve been getting more in touch with a dear friend of mine who I consider my little sister. Haven’t seen her for about 2 years, but now I do nearly every weekend. So that’s great! Enjoyed the first early ‘spring’s’ sun and so many more.
Last Wednesday I got to meet up with two very close friends again and man oh man, it was SO nice to remember how it feels like to be carefree and how to laugh. After weeks of stress, I suddenly reverted back to my happy self.
Today, I had a meeting with some friends I hadn’t seen in ages as well and man.. it was so nice to be back on a big dollmeet! All the de-motivation when it comes to my dolls faded and I took pictures until the light was gone. (So many good ones!) And both this and the other meet I talked so much about my stories and the rp’s that I re-connected with characters I had almost feared I had lost a bond with for a moment.
But more importantly, I made a firm decision. The next doll I will try to purchase will be Hayley, the other part of my twin. (Crobidoll Lance) Why? Because then all the current groups I already have dolls of, will be completed. Meaning, I won’t have frustration about not being able to work the storyline to the fullest. This will be a good 600,- euro though, and I simply don’t have that. (And unless grandpa is still around during December and feeling generous.. I won’t be able to get him for Christmas either.)
But before Hayley, I plan to go out shopping with friends from money I’m starting to save up from my upcoming birthday and whatever I may get. I’ve been changing myself into the me I always wanted to be and now feels alright to be. I’m wearing skirts. I fit into a regular size and I just love it all. I feel girly, I feel cute. It gives my confidence an enormous boost. So that’s why the shopping spree with a group of friends means so much to me. I’ve never ever done such a thing before!
But the money left from that trip will go to Hayley.
After my days taking care of my mother and such are over, I’m really hoping I can finally get myself to find some kind of a job. I will then attempt to save up all I earn and not spend it unless it’s for a priority matter. (BJD is not priority. Bike repair would be, for instance.) So that I can try and move out in about 2 years. My dad will retire and I really do not want to be home when he does. It will be a living hell for me, I’m almost certain. X.x
So yes, I think that about sums it all up.
There. I really tried to keep it as much to the point as I could! ;_;
I'm looking forward to celebrating my birthday this month and to reconnect with my dolls now the weather allows me to go outside again.
I also hope to enjoy the early sun when it comes out and to keep on experimenting with outfits to wear. (Girly things, hehe.)
And I really would love to chat more with you all, as I once used to do. ;_; I'm still here daily, I just don't upload. I hope it can be forgiven, for I am still very grateful so many people do enjoy the effort and love I put into my work!