[Regan 06] Sinking deeper to the surface

The sound of activity from the kitchen broke through the otherwise silent room. Slowly Regan stirred, turning more onto his side before opening his eyes just halfway. He blinked as he found himself looking at the coffee table in front of him.

When had he fallen asleep?

The scent of diverse vegetables reached him from the kitchen, together with sounds that he hadn’t heard in ages. Herbs that weren’t used often mixed together in a pleasant aroma that he couldn't recall having smelled before. Slowly he closed his eyes again, sighing as he tried to figure out what had happened. He felt disorientated, not used to wake up on the couch and not be met with silence.

But then his eyes shot open and he sat up with a start.

Cyril!

...

Headache.

A soft groan escaped his lips, reaching up to rub his face in an attempt to have the sudden pounding fade. It seemed like crying had done him little good after all. He could feel the strain it had brought his eyes, the headache undoubtly originating from it. With a sigh he gave up, glancing up towards the kitchen to see Cyril was occupied with whatever it was he was making.

He swallowed, his throat feeling awkwardly dry. Why was Cyril still there? Why hadn’t the man simply left? Why was he now in the kitchen, acting like he owned it?

Unsure what to really think of this current situation, Regan slowly got up to make his way over in order to find out. His socks hardly made any sound on the wooden floor. The closer he got, the stronger the scent started to become and he couldn't help but breathe it in. Cyril had yet to notice him, something he was glad for because he still wasn’t quite sure on how to feel. He remembered now how Cyril had held him, offering comfort that he had finally accepted. He hadn’t cried in front of others for years now and it made him feel more than simply uncomfortable.

Taking a deep breath, he then finally walked into the kitchen and headed straight for the refrigerator. If anything, he could start by getting rid of the dry feeling in his throat with something to drink. That would solve at least one awkward feeling. Quietly he opened the door, above all trying to avoid meeting with Cyril’s gaze. He could hear the man chuckle as he took out a bottle of lemon drink.

“How are you feeling now?” Cyril asked, lightly stirring in a pan that held all sorts of vegetables. Regan slowly moved his gaze over to see what the man was doing, closing the door quietly. It seemed like Cyril had had no trouble finding his way around. He sighed, realizing he owed him an answer at least.

“I’m...alright..” He said softly, moving to Cyril’s other side to get himself a glass next. He still avoided looking at Cyril himself, just pouring himself his drink and focusing on that. Just as quietly he took a sip, the cool liquid refreshing and bringing certain relief. But then he sighed again, lowering his glass a little before glancing at the man from the corner of his eyes.

“Why are you still here?” He moved his gaze to the stove. “...And why are you cooking..?”

Cyril couldn’t help but laugh softly, Regan’s gaze looking  close to mistrustful. But he knew the boy didn’t quite mean it as such. “Would you have really wanted to eat all by yourself?” He asked him gently in turn as he lowered the heat of the stove some before turning to face Regan.

“Eat..?” Regan blinked, for a moment confused again as he was struggling in between his headache and thoughts. He glanced up a little more to see the amusement within Cyril’s eyes.

“You’ve been asleep for the past three hours at least. Aren’t you getting hungry?” Cyril asked, figuring Regan really was still trying to get a grip on his surroundings. He couldn’t really blame him though. It wasn’t often you found a guest taking over the kitchen. It had been a decision he had carefully considered before figuring it couldn’t harm much. He simply hadn’t wanted to wake the man up.

For a moment Regan could only stare at Cyril. He had been asleep for three hours? Slowly he glanced over at the clock to see it was indeed well past six pm now. For several seconds he just stared at the device on the wall, before slowly lifting his glass to take another sip. For the first time in a long time he had slept without waking, twisting and turning. He didn’t quite answer Cyril’s question though, tearing his gaze away from the clock at last. “What are you making?” He asked, picking up the bottle to put it back in the refrigerator.

Cyril had been watching Regan in silence, watching a thoughtful look pass the other’s face before he was simply asked a question in turn. He smiled lightly, turning back to the stove as the topic seemed to have been dismissed. “Some stir-fried vegetables with rice and chicken. I hope you don’t mind too much?” He added, glancing back at Regan who was now glancing at it all with an unreadable expression. Cyril had opted to go for a simple, light but nutritious meal as it had looked like the boy could use it. Something easily heated up again in case he would not feel much for eating.

It was silence that for a moment stretched again. Cyril’s intentions had been good, no matter how he twisted and turned them. Had he wanted to eat alone? He probably wouldn’t have eaten at all, had that been the case. But the scent of food and herbs was all around him now and he could feel his appetite grow a little more. He turned away from Cyril, walking over to the table as he made up his mind.

“Smells good.”

It were just two simple words, but the meaning behind them wasn't lost on Cyril. Regan had acknowledged the fact the man had been bold enough to go through his personal space and seemed to forgive him for it, while at the same time showing a certain appreciation for the effort made.

“Will Rayne be home for dinner?” Cyril asked to change the topic for some light conversation. He hadn't yet caught sight of the girl and it had made him start to wonder as he doubted school would possibly take this long.

Regan set his glass on the table before looking up. “No, both her and Ashley are sleeping over with a friend tonight.” He said softly, walking back to grab a set of plates from a nearby cupboard. “They won’t be home until late tomorrow afternoon.” The change of subject was welcome, making Regan feel slightly more at ease now that the attention was pulled away from himself. He started setting the table, missing Cyril’s wondering gaze.

“Does Ashley live here too then?”

He paused, looking up in surprise at the question. “Ah..” For a moment he had forgotten that it wasn’t all that logical that Ashley was living with him as well. “Yes.” He said after a moment, it having taken some seconds to realize Cyril had seen Ashley only once so far. “He does.”

Cyril only raised a quiet eyebrow, continuing to stir through the vegetables. “Ashley.. is he the one that was here when I came to pick you up?” He asked a little more attentively. Back then he had believed that Ashley had been one of Rayne’s girlfriends, as he recalled the quiet one that had watched from a distance.

A quiet smile pulled at Regan’s lips when he heard the hesitance in Cyril’s voice. “That’s him, yes.” He confirmed while grabbing some cutlery. “He came to live with us after his house got burned down because of some gone-out-of-hand prank by some bully.” Regan continued with a softer voice, for a moment harshly reminded about what day it was again. “He too had no one left. I couldn’t possibly send him off.” He grew quiet again, stilling before he had closed the drawer.

A hand suddenly brushing through his hair startled him and had him look up in surprise.

“I don’t think many could have done what you did.” Cyril said gently, leaning forward to press a light kiss against Regan’s forehead. “Dinner’s ready..” He said softly, pulling away with a chuckle as he caught the dumbfounded expression on Regan's face.

Regan stood frozen on the spot, the gentle gesture one that had stunned him. He swallowed, watching Cyril return to the stove before draining the rice. A quiet blush gathered on Regan’s cheeks, making him look down as he closed the drawer and moved towards the table. How come Cyril always knew exactly how to make him feel at a loss for his words?

“Sit down.” Cyril said when Regan still hadn’t. He smiled upon seeing the subtle blush, knowing he was the one who had put it there. He waited for Regan to snap out of it and to sit down on one of the chairs before he carried over the hot pans.

Regan stared at his plate, unable to look Cyril in the eye now. But the food was set down in front of him and he glanced up to take in the sight of it. However simple, the scent and looks of it awakened his forgotten appetite. He felt a hunger he hadn’t known he could have on a day like this. A quiet smile tugged at his lips. He couldn’t possibly stay doubtful when Cyril was being this kind to him.

“Thank you...Cyril..” He said softly once the man had taken the seat opposite of him. He glanced away, the surprise in Cyril’s eyes at his words making him feel too self-conscious.

“You’re welcome..”




Dinner was surprisingly pleasant and Regan really did enjoy the simple meal more than he had expected. Even though the scent had promised nothing  short of a great taste. It wasn’t long at all before he felt like he could eat no more, a soft sigh escaping him when he at least managed to finish what was on his plate. He glanced up at Cyril, the man not far from finishing his meal as well. “It was good..” He said softly, earning himself another soft smile from the man opposite of him.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Cyril answered, getting up after finishing as well and taking both their plates to start clean it all up. “How about you leave the dishes for me to take care of as well and take a shower yourself?” He offered, setting it all in the sink before turning the faucet on.

Regan looked up in surprise in the middle of setting the pans back on the stove. “But you already made dinner as well..” He glanced at the dishes, not feeling comfortable with letting his guest take care of all his chores like this.

“Don’t worry about that, alright?” Gently Cyril reached out, brushing some of Regan’s hair from the boy's face. “I think you could use that extra bit of relaxation.” He said with a light smile, watching Regan’s uncertain gaze with a little amusement. “Go. I’ll take care of this.”

Slowly Regan nodded, the warm hand shortly brushing against his cheek making him blush lightly once more. “Alright..” He said quietly, pulling away before his cheeks would colour any darker. How could he deny the man’s offer when he was given such gentle treatment in turn?

Though the idea still didn’t sit well, Regan finally stepped back to leave the kitchen. Cyril turned back to the sink, looking right at home. Before his thoughts could wander any further, Regan left the living room to disappear up the stairs.

The shower he stood in only moments later came as a great relief and he felt some of his tension fade with the warm water now raining down on him. It seemed like Cyril had been right once again. With a deep sigh he closed his eyes. How come the man just knew exactly what he needed? It was almost frightening.. but at the same time it brought a comfort he hadn’t known in a long time.

Was that the reason he had allowed himself to let go so suddenly?

It did feel nice though.. not having to worry about simple matters for a change. Perhaps it truly wasn’t all that bad to have the man around. But was he able to admit that yet?

The few hours of peaceful sleep had done him more good than he had expected it might have. Not that it completely took away his exhaustion, but he could feel it just a little less. Sometimes it made him wonder if he had forgotten what it felt like to have a good night's rest again. He chuckled dryly, shaking his head and brushing the hair from his face. Now was not the time to get cynical.

He wondered how much longer Cyril intended to stay. Though he hadn’t been too sure about him staying for dinner at first, after that pleasant dinner - the thought of spending the rest of the evening alone still didn’t sit well. All alone.. the memories would surely return. But the last thing he wanted to do was to become a burden to the man.

Several twisting and turning thoughts later, Regan came out from under the shower and made quick work of getting dressed again. It was just a little later that he walked into the living room again, finding Cyril seated on the couch with the TV turned on.

Cyril looked up at the sound of the door, smiling when he saw Regan return. He waited for the other to join him on the couch again before speaking up. “I made you some hot chocolate if you’d like. It should be cooled down a little by now.”

“Ah..” Regan’s gaze landed on the extra cup that stood on the table, not having noticed it before. Not yet having settled, he leaned forward to pick it up. The cup was still hot, a sweet fragrance rising up. “Thank you..” He said quietly as he settled back. How much more could this man possibly do for him?  

Cyril only smiled though, slowly drinking from his own cup while giving Regan the time to unwind a little again. It was something he had learned by mere observation, knowing that Regan had become too used to not being noticed, growing tense whenever he was. But that was something Cyril was intent on changing over time.

With the soft sound of the TV and the warmth of his cup, Regan felt himself relax again long before he had expected he would. Slowly he pulled his legs back up on the couch, like he had earlier that day, to cradle the cup a little closer and relish in its comforting warmth. But at the same time he glanced at Cyril whose gaze was still directed at the screen. Why was he still there?

He took a sip, realizing the chocolate was sweet like the one Cyril had made once before and he couldn't help the light smile ghosting his lips at the memory. But the moment lasted only seconds as he was still trying to figure out why the man had stuck around even when he hadn’t been the most entertaining one all day. After all, he very much doubted things could have been very exciting with him asleep. He blinked when he realized he was staring straight into lavender-pink and quickly snapped his gaze back to the TV.

Caught.

Cyril laughed softly. “Can I ask you another question?” He asked gently, his tone growing a little more careful and serious. Questions had lingered, but it hadn't been something he had wanted to ask over dinner, too afraid Regan would have lost his appetite.

The change of tone made Regan glance back in light question, steeling himself a little for what it could possibly be. “What?” He asked simply, slowly taking another sip.

For a moment Cyril was silent, trying to find the right words to use. “How come Rayne is here now, despite of what you told me earlier?” It had been something he had wondered about from the moment he had learned more of Regan's past. But not having wanted to interrupt, he simply hadn't asked before. Even now it felt wrong to do so, knowing he would pull Regan back into darker memories when the boy had just started relaxing a little again. However, he knew that talking might bring more relief from the hurt he had caught but a glimpse of earlier on. And he very much doubted he would be allowed to come this close again anytime soon.

Regan stilled, lowering  his cup a little. It wasn’t really a surprise that Cyril asked him this, having known questions were to follow sooner or later. “I guess it would be fair if I told you that part, too.” He said softly before sighing as he tried to find a way to start. The worst part had been shared already, he didn't have to revisit that anymore.

“Only if you want to, of course.” Cyril added a bit more gently. He was surprised though to see  the slightest smile curl on Regan's lips as the boy shook his head.

“I don’t mind.”

Regan took another sip from his drink before settling a little more. Cyril remained quiet after that, giving him a chance to pick things up again which was much appreciated. “You know.. that I lived with.. with him after.. that night.” He really didn’t feel like repeating the event. Thankfully, Cyril nodded his understanding.

“Though I had seen it with my own eyes, I really couldn’t accept it.” He continued a little softer now. “Especially not the fact that Rayne too...” He swallowed, for a moment feeling that very same fear again. “I wouldn’t have known what to do.. had she truly been..”

Cyril watched the struggle, not missing how Regan was trying to find his words to continue the story. “But she isn’t..” He said softly, hoping to break the unnecessary tension.

Regan sighed, nodding lightly. “I never stopped looking for her, firmly believing she was indeed still alive. He hadn’t much hope, but he supported me nevertheless. It felt like dark months, searching for Rayne who had always been my shining star.” He smiled somewhat awkwardly, shaking his head. “..She just.. brightens my days. I guess that’s a better way of putting it..”

A soft chuckle escaped Cyril at Regan’s somewhat awkward attempt of trying to describe how he felt. Clearly he wasn’t used to doing so and it was in a way endearing. “I can see why.” He agreed as he nodded, waiting for Regan to continue again.

“Yeah..” He whispered for a moment, sighing in an attempt to let his awkwardness go. “My friend helped me get my life back on track. And time just passed like that. I kept looking for Rayne, trying to get through life day after day. It felt as if I no longer truly had a reason to keep going, had it not been for him showing me otherwise.”

Saying it all out loud now, Regan couldn’t help but wonder. Had this period of time perhaps been part of what had caused for them to grow apart eventually? What had driven their relationship to come to an end?

He just sighed again, drinking more of his chocolate before it would get cold. “It was pure luck that I was walking the streets some months later, my hope having worn thin, when I heard her call out my name. It was a wonder she recognized me, since she had never seen me with my hair this long.”

He glanced up at Cyril, lightly blushing when he realized the man had been watching him the whole time. “She told me she had run away to follow me, that very night before the fire broke out. Something no one had been aware about, for obvious reasons.” He sighed.

“I guess her impulsive decision was what saved her life this time. All those months she had spend in an orphanage, trying still to find me. Apparently she had tried to tell of who she was, but she could give them no direct proof and was therefore disregarded. They simply thought she was a child who tried to abuse the news of this tragedy just so she could get some easy money.”

He frowned at the thought, knowing Rayne would have never done such a thing. But to them she had been a child, a stranger. He shook his head. “When I found her, I wasted no time getting her home with me and my friend. I could now testify she was indeed a direct relative of our family after all.”

“It’s thanks to her I now have back the full right of our family’s wealth again. Being the only direct survivor, she received all the inheritance the moment it was made known. Apparently my father had made quick work of disowning me after that night. But Rayne quickly decided that she would give me back my full right over the money. Until she is old enough to get her share of it as well.”

He sighed again, wondering if he should continue or not. There wasn’t much left to tell, but it was part of the story. It was also something he had been most reluctant to share.

“What about your friend?” Though all pieces of the puzzle were finally falling in place, Cyril hadn't failed to notice Regan had been a little evasive when it came to his friend and ex. Nor the careful way Regan avoided saying his name.

Regan deflated a little, it coming to no surprise that Cyril had caught on to the reason of his hesitance. “He... broke up with me.” He admitted quietly after a moment.

Of course it hadn’t been all that shocking to hear those words now, as Cyril had known of Regan being single for quite some time now. But he could hear that Regan still was bothered by it. It had been only weeks ago since the man had admitted not being ready for another relationship, but it had been the only thing Cyril had been told so far. How long ago was it that this break-up took place? How long since Regan had been trying to cope with his feelings alone?

“I think it’s now about a year ago..” Regan said finally when Cyril kept quiet in thought, unknowingly answering the exact questions that had been playing on the man's mind. “The year after I reunited with Rayne, things seemed to be going well. But one day he told me that perhaps we were better off staying just friends.”

He swallowed lightly, feeling again the nerves he had felt at the time. “I couldn’t..” He nearly whispered. “I did love him, but I couldn’t stay ‘just friends’ after all that had happened. It simply hurt too much..”

Cyril saw how tense Regan started to become again, seeing a different hurt rise to the surface this time. His gaze softened, finally coming to understand the confused boy so much more.

“I tried.. I really did try to go back to the point of friendship, like when I had just known him for several months. I moved out with Rayne and bought this place with the money I had saved up in my years of work and the money we now owned again. But knowing I had lost him too, in a certain way..” He shook his head, clenching his jaw together for a moment. “In the end, we lost all contact...”

“How long ago is it since that happened?” Cyril asked, unable not to wonder as it would tell him exactly of how long the boy had been truly alone.

“I’m not sure..” He wasn’t all that sure how to answer the question. He still felt as if it had happened only yesterday at times. “It has to have been at least half a year, I guess, before I tried to forget it all by going out for a drink.”

It took a moment for Cyril to realize Regan was referring to the night they had met. He remembered how he had found the boy in a defeated manner at the bar, the struggle that he had noticed right from the very start. “And that’s where I met you..” He added softly when Regan fell silent again. He sighed, impressed with the whole story he now knew.

“I guess that answers a lot of questions I had..” Cyril said, setting his empty cup down before leaning back against the couch. It also explained so much more about why it had been so hard to reach the boy that hid behind all those carefully constructed walls.

Regan copied Cyril’s action as soon as he had finished his drink as well. Sitting back again, he wrapped his arms around his legs, not having much left to say. “That’s all there is to know about me..” He added quietly, staring down at the table in front of them.

“I neglected Rayne more and more in these past months than I had ever done before. It’s only recently that I started picking up the slack...” He admitted, his voice laced with his regret now that he was finally admitting it all out loud. “It wasn’t her fault after all.. It's not like she could help me with my sleepless nights..”

Cyril watched him again, the defeat that almost seemed to show itself again. “You still really haven’t been sleeping all that well as of late either, have you?” It was just a guess, but he hadn’t failed to notice the subtle differences between before Regan’s short nap and now.

A quiet smile ghosted over Regan’s lips but didn’t reach his eyes. “I can’t remember.. when I last had a full night of sleep.” He confessed quietly, knowing it would be pointless to deny it anymore. He was growing tired of denying the obvious.

Seeing the defeat within the boy’s gaze settle, he knew Regan was showing more weakness than he had ever allowed himself to do so before. “I’m sorry.” He said softly, not really knowing what else there was to say. He couldn’t just make Regan’s exhaustion disappear, nor the hurt hidden behind it, no matter how much he wanted to.

Regan only shook his head lightly, sighing as the tension in his shoulders seemed to ease out a little now the story had been told. “It’s fine. It’s not your fault, after all..”

“Perhaps not, but I haven’t been making things much easier for you either, have I?” He said with a light smile, glad to see and know he was closer to the boy now than he had ever been.

It were those words that had Regan glance up again, surprise for a moment written inside of them. More and more Cyril was proving to be far more observant than he had always thought him to be. “No, you have not.” He said, the smallest smile playing over his lips. “You’ve been a pain in the ass.”

Cyril chuckled, glad to see some of Regan’s more natural self surfacing. “It’s been my pleasure.”




Though he would have never admitted it out loud, Cyril’s company was a great comfort and Regan found the passing of time much more pleasurable with the man sitting beside him. Even if it was mostly spend with watching the TV, he did enjoy the light conversation that followed which was now  led by the other man.

There were no expectations and it was relaxing to not have to think or worry too much for a change. There was no silence his thoughts were trying to fill and it had been long ago since he had last felt so freed of troubling thoughts. A soft sigh managed to escape his lips, which caught the other’s attention.

“Are you getting tired?” He asked, not missing how Regan had started to grow more and more silent as time crept by. The unfocused look directed at the screen showed him how much trouble the boy was having just to keep his attention somewhere. But Regan shook his head.

“No. I’m fine.” He wasn’t willing to admit how much more relaxed he felt because of his current company. But as Cyril returned his gaze back to the screen, he could hardly stifle a yawn. He knew that if he gave in, it’d mean Cyril would be going home and leave him all alone again.

It was the first time he found himself not willing to part yet, a completely opposite feeling to all those times before when he had wanted nothing but to be far away from him. But then again, Cyril had not done anything against his wishes as of late – had done nothing to press his buttons anymore. Instead he had proven to be kindhearted and patient. Before he could help it, his eyes grew heavy and he lost the struggle to stay awake for the first time in a long  while.

It was when Regan's light weight fell against his side that Cyril realized the boy had been unable to keep it up anymore. “No, huh?” He chuckled, reaching up to brush a few dark strands from Regan’s face. His gaze softened, knowing that it was only the exhaustion that had allowed for Regan to relax this way. As much as he had wanted to believe it had been his company, he knew better than to hope for that so soon.

“Let’s get you to bed..” He said softly, careful to move away before he picked the boy up. He didn’t know where he was supposed to go, but he wouldn’t allow the boy to spend the remainder of the night on a couch when he finally had managed to catch some sleep.

It wasn’t easy to get the boy up the stairs and he was relieved the door of Regan’s room was open when he found it, carefully carrying the boy over to the bed before placing him down on it. He walked around then, pulling back the blankets before even more carefully moving Regan over to that side and pulling them back up to cover him. For a moment he watched the boy, looking at the peaceful expression he wore now that he wouldn’t easily show during waking hours.

“Good night..” He whispered, leaning in to press a light, affectionate kiss against his forehead. He pulled away, but an unexpected tug at his shirt prevented him from moving further. Looking down he noticed Regan had taken hold of it. “Regan..?” He wasn’t sure if the boy was awake again, reaching down to make the boy let go again.

Just when he succeeded, Regan stirred and Cyril looked down at him as the boy's eyes barely opened. “Hn..?”

Slowly he crouched down next to the bed this time, reaching out to caress Regan’s cheek. “It’s okay, just go back to sleep.” He whispered, realizing that even though exhaustion had taken over, the boy still had trouble holding onto sleep.

A gentle warmth spread through the heavy feeling that made it difficult for Regan to focus. It was dark and all he knew was that he was somewhere more comfortable now. Cyril's warm hand was a nice comfort but before long the caress stopped and footsteps sounded through the otherwise silent darkness.

“..Don’t go..”

Cyril stopped in the middle of the room, the soft words sounding sleepdrunk but understandable nonetheless. He glanced back at the boy, watching as he started stirring and turned to his other side. Though he had been quiet before, now he seemed to be growing restless again. Was this what he had been dealing with on his own every night again?

He frowned, deciding to try and see if a moment alone would help the boy finally settle as he went back downstairs to clean up a little. It wouldn’t feel right to go without cleaning up after himself. As silently as he could he moved down the stairs again, turning off the TV before washing the cups they had used that evening. He turned off the lights in advance, not planning on staying any longer than was necessary now the boy was asleep. It was a trust he didn’t want to break so early on.

But as he came back to check up on the boy for a final time around fifteen minutes later, he found Regan had been everything but soundly asleep.  Blankets were wrapped tighter around him, betraying he had been unable to stop from shifting. A small frown now pulled on his eyebrows and Cyril slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to the boy who was now lying in the middle of the bed. “Why can’t you just relax?” He asked softly, knowing there would be no answer.

He slowly brushed through Regan’s hair, watching as the uncomfortable frown slowly evened out. He sighed, torn between staying and going home as he didn't want to leave the boy alone in his struggle like this. A soft voice broke the silence and through his thoughts and he blinked, focusing back on the boy that had woken during his caress. “What is it?” He asked softly, not stopping to caress the boy gently through his hair. This was a first time that the boy wasn’t denying his touch or tensing up because of it and he couldn’t resist the temptation.

“..Can’t sleep..”

It was a soft mutter, noticeably spoken through a clouded mind. “Anything I can do?” He asked softly, not sure how awake Regan really was. But as he watched the boy avert his gaze in the dark, he wondered if even now, the boy was having a hard time showing what he wanted. He recalled his earlier words and the way Regan had indirectly let him know he had appreciated his visit. Cyril swallowed, pulling his hand away. “Do you.. want me to stay?” He asked with light hesitation.

It was a complete silence that followed and he felt as if he had indeed crossed a boundary then. “I’ll go home.” He said softly when no answer followed anymore, not planning on pushing the boy into anything he wasn't ready for. Especially not now he couldn’t determine how awake the other was. He was about to push himself up when Regan finally reacted, a warm hand wrapping around his wrist that had his heart skip in a moment's surprise.

His gaze snapped back to the boy that had never acted this way before, confusing him more and more. “Regan..?”

How was he supposed to read him now? He frowned in confusion, feeling the hold on his wrist tighten a little. “Do you want me to stay..?” He asked softly again, watching as this time the smallest nod became apparent. There was no mistaken it. He could feel the excited skip of his own heart, never having expected the boy to invite him into sharing the bed (however innocently) anytime soon. He let out a soft sigh, trying to get a grip on himself again. “Alright.” He gently pulled his hand free again. “Scoot over then..”

He had intended to lie down beside the boy in order to keep the distance intact by staying on top of the covers. But as Regan moved back and pulled at the blankets to clear the space next to him, Cyril knew the boy had to be more awake than asleep. He was completely caught off-guard, a feeling he wasn’t used to, but simultaneously relieved to know Regan was at least conscious enough of his decision. Rather than having Regan wait in silence, he moved to take off only his shoes before he carefully slipped into the bed at the invitation he was given.

Regan had yet to look at him and only now that his eyes had become more adjusted to the dark, could he see the slight darkening of the other’s cheeks. A soft chuckle escaped him and he took over the blankets to pull them up again. “Better?” He asked softly, staying exactly where he was not to embarrass him any further.

Regan slowly glanced up, feeling his heart beating harder than ever. The thought of being left all alone in the dark with his thoughts had scared him more than ever tonight and it had pushed him to do what he wouldn’t have done before. He didn’t want another night of endless distress. He didn’t answer Cyril, feeling the man’s gaze on him even through the darkness. He could hear a certain amusement within that soft voice and slowly he nodded, swallowing hard as he tried to calm his racing heart.

“G..Good night.” He could hardly utter the words, sounding tense and rushed as he forced himself to turn around again and turn his back to the man. He found it hard to face him, not knowing how to relax when he could see him looking at him.

A soft rustling next to him had him tense a bit again, before he felt a warm weight sliding around his waist. Not a second later he was pulled back a little until his back met with Cyril's firm chest and he could feel the warmth through the fabric of their clothing.

“Good night.”

He didn’t know he had been holding a breath until he was forced to let it go, feeling how Cyril just lightly held him close, giving him the chance to break from the hold had he wanted to. But like this, he didn’t feel the need to stir as much anymore. A soft sigh sounded from behind him and he could feel how the other man relaxed from tensions Regan had been unaware of.

This knowledge surprised him, not having thought something like this would face the usually confident man. But a slow smile curled on his lips before long. It made the man just that bit more likable. Breathing in deeply in an attempt to relax he could not help but take in the familiar scent of that rich cologne he had steadily grown to love more and more. And slowly, finally he felt himself ease up again.